Or eve tharsends a sheep ter dip
Than trail ter Scarbro ivvery year
On t'anniversary trip.
Why doan't ther go ter secret locations
Ter sponts noon o' t'travellers know
Cos t'only mystery on this day aht
Is why eny one wants ter go!
Ah see ter t'stock afore it's leet
Cos we're picked up at day break
Missus'll say "You've ter enjoy yersen
If only fer t'grand bairns sake."
Ah can hardly beliee it's Satterda
Wi all t'lads i ther Sunda best
An that tell-tale wiff o' moth balls
They should be banned till t'day o' rest!
All t'bairns are excited an noisy,
But it's summat us own uns endure.
Then more shouts o' joy when t'sea comes in view -
Like they'd nivver seen watter afore.
T'first jobs ter mek a circle
Wi our deck chairs up on t'beach,
We all like ter sit together
Where t'high tide just can't reach.
T'next job's ter ger a paper -
See what's happ'nin all abaht.
It isn't in mi nature
Ter sit dahn doin nowt.
When t'grand bairns want me ter join em,
Ter t'waves they all beat a path.
But t'only time my socks cum off
Is when I ger inter t'bath.
T'kids alus end up gatherin shells
Ter tek home in ther buckets,
But t'missus says "You'll lose em oot -
Best put em in Grandad's pockets!"
Dinner's a picnic o' cakes and t'like,
Which t'missus lets kids arrange.
She sez eatin sandwiches outside
Meks such a pleasant change.
Bor I eat sandwiches ivvery day
So fer mee it's no-an ser grand -
Only change Ah notice is
Each mouthfuls full a sand!
After dinner it's shoppin time
Cos t'missus wants a skert.
But after wastin all afternoon
A skert she didn't get.
Next week she'll goa ter t'local shop -
Which only hav one or two -
Bot t'size and t'shade will be just reight
Either one of em will do!
All day such rubbish as candy floss
As past through t'children's lips
But when it gets ter awt past four
They're natterin for fish n chips.
Me an t'missus ed eat em fret t'paper
But wi t'bairns it's such a faff
So once a year, on t'Scarbro trip,
We sit dahn in a caff.
When Ah see what the charge for a cup n tea
Ah dare not waste a drop!
Ah cum yer can buy a quarter pound
For t'same price in t'local shop?
Wit final bill am nearly stuck dumb,
Ter t'wife I manage to utter:
"Ah reckon they've charged a pund a piece
For t'slices er bread an butter!"
Ah thowt Ah mustn't grumble on holiday -
High charges weren't be unique.
Just be thankful we're only there a few minutes,
An not stoppin there all week!
After tea it gets a bit cooler,
An t'shops start ter close as well.
Judgin bi t'stuff ahr lots bought
There's probably nowt left ter sell.
At seven we all stagger back ter t'coach,
Weight dahn wi balls n bats,
Buckets, spades an assorted stuffed toys,
An t'kids wearin cowboy hats.
After all t'sea an goodies an pop,
T'young bairns are asleep fairly quick.
But, alas, t'exception wer some greedy kids
Who said that they felt sick.
When t'bus dropped us off at 'ome,
An t'goodbyes ev been said,
Ah'v two hours work, scratchin rahnd in t'dark
Afore I can go ter bed.
They bought a stick a peppermint rock
For them that couldn't come.
An next year, wi a bit o' luck
Ah might be one of 'em!
Old Scarborough - photo from theguardian.com
