Ah'm verry well, thank you!

Ther's nothin the matter wi me,
Ah'm as healthy as can be!

Ah 'av arthritis in both mi knees,
An when Ah talk, Ah talk wi a wheeze.

Mi pulse is weak, mi blood is think,
But Ah'm awfully well fer't shape Ah'm in.

Arch supports Ah 'av fer mi feet,
Or Ah wouldn't be able ter be aht on't street.
Sleep is denied me neight after neight,
Bur ivvery mornin' Ah feind Ah'm alreight.

Mi memory is failing, mi 'eads in a spin,
But Ah'm awfully well fer't shape Ah'm in.

The moral o'this - as mi tale Ah unfold -
Fer you an me who are gettin' old -
It's better ter say: "Oh, Ah'm fine!" wi' a grin,
Than ter let folks know't shape we're in.

How do I know that mi youth is all spent?
Well, mi 'gerrup an go' has gorrup an' went!
But Ah really don't mind, when I think wi a grin,
Of all them grand places my 'gorrup' 'as bin.

Old age is golden - Ah'v 'eard it said.
But sometime Ah wonder as Ah ger inter bed,
Wi mi ears in a draw, an' a mi teeth in a cup,
Mi specs on't table until Ah gerrup...

E're sleep overtakes me Ah say ter myself,
Is there anything else Ah can lay on't shelf?

When Ah wer young, mi slippers wer red,
Ah could kick mi 'eels reight ovver mi 'ead.
When Ah gor'older mi slippers were blue...
But Ah could still dance the whole neight through.

Now Ah'm old an mi slippers are black,
Ah walk ter't shops and puff mi way back!
Ah gerrup each mornin' an' dust off mi wits
An pick up the papers an' read the 'obits'.

If mi name is still missin, Ah know Ah'm not dead.
So Ah 'av mi breakfast ...an go back ter bed!